Reasons my 7-week-old wont sleep

After scouring the internet trying to figure out why Drew suddenly only takes 45 minute naps, I came across some really helpful information. I then combined that information with several days worth of close, critical observation. The following is a fairly concrete list of reasons Drew wont sleep during his nap times:

He's too tired
He's not tired enough
He was over stimulated
He was under stimulated
He's hot
He's either just had, is in, or is about to have a growth spurt
His diaper is squishing his stomach
His diaper is squishing his male bits
His diaper is cloth
His diaper is disposable
He hiccupped, and got scared
He's cold
He wants his socks on
He wants his socks off
He doesn't know what socks are
He has the toots
Mom walked away, which means she has died
He's either just had, is in, or is about to have a Wonder Week
He wants his binky
No, the other one
Nevermind, the first one

He's full
He's hungry
The vibrating baby seat makes him feel like he's going to blast off into space
He yawned, and got more scared than when he hiccupped
He may or may not have some degree of gas (but let's give him gas drops just in case...every time)
He can't figure out how to close his eyes
When he blinks, he thinks he is disappearing
There are children screaming at our condo pool like they think they are at Wild Waves
He thinks dad is a stranger from 5:45-5:50pm...stranger danger!
Dad's mouth is too big when he says "hiiiiiiii"
The grocery delivery people make sure to wait until he's just fallen asleep to deliver groceries
His arms scare him
The groundskeepers need to run the gas powered grass trimmers exactly during his nap
They then need to run the leaf blowers exactly during his next nap
He really likes practicing the Cry It Out method, before we're actually attempting to Cry It Out
He thinks 5 minutes = 1 hour
He hates Moses, and his Basket

Giving it grace:

Whatever works...right?

My not-so-second-rate birth experience

I had some friends asking me recently about my c-section birth experience. Just to be upfront, I loved it. Why? Because the story ends in us getting Drew!

But my appreciation for my c-section didn't start that way, and I wish there had been someone there to tell me - loudly and repeatedly without ceasing: YOU WONT CARE ABOUT THE BIRTH ONCE DREW IS ON THE OUTSIDE. 

You see, leading up to giving birth, I - like many women - was overwhelmed with e-mails, newsletters, blogs, classes and commentary all subtly (or not so subtly) suggesting that the best birthing option is a natural one, and anything other than that is essentially a second-rate birth. And to be honest, I totally bought into it. It's not hard to believe, as a great deal of medical advice affirms that an intervention free birth can be a very healthy experience for baby and mom. But, it became more than that for me. I was letting my birth plan become an identity, something worth picking sides over. 

God graciously revealed this to me the first time I had to consider getting a c-section. I was PISSED. Something was rattling my cage; something was toying with my identity. I had let my birth plan say something about me that I so desperately needed to believe: that I was strong enough to do it naturally. A c-section meant no breathing ball, no husband by my side counting the seconds with me, no option for a water birth, no baby-to-breast within seconds of birth...and to me it meant no medal of natural birth honor.

God was gracious to walk me through that process as I struggled with laying down the identity I had built for myself around how I would give birth. During that struggle, we found out I wouldn't need a c-section because of my eye. I remember thinking, "great, glad that's over. And I'm so glad I got over the whole c-section thing."

And then a few weeks later, we were finding out Drew was breech. Less than 3% of babies are actually breech at the time of birth. That was likely not a fluke, and was very much God bringing me face to face with an identity that was still lingering: Stephanie Hansen, natural birth warrior. And sure enough, I wanted to get pissed again. But this time, only for a second. This second time, God was quick to turn down the volume on my inner monologue, and turn up the volume on the reality of the situation: my birth plan was about me, and my glory. I had something to prove, apparently because society was telling me I could prove myself through Drew's birth. And on top of that, I could have a new awesome identity that was all about my strength, and my determination. I should know well enough by now that with all those "me's" and "my's", God is going to lovingly remind me whose glory my life is for...and it's certainly not my own!

While I was coming to grips with the fact that the very thing I didn't want would be the thing to potentially save Drew's life (most hospitals wont deliver breech babies due to risk to the baby, and mom), God was tearing down the lies I was believing. He was replacing those lies with beautiful truths: Drew doesn't care how he is born, the birth has no weight on my ability to be a mother, my identity is not rooted in my birth plan, and God is ultimately in control. That meant that nothing I could choose or not choose was going to move God's hand in the moments that would make up Drew's birth.

And Drew's birth was upon us, God was so incredibly generous with His gifts. He gave me the gift of actually going into labor, so I got to experience what that felt like (didn't feel like a gift at the time, but I know now that it was). He gave me the gift of having Kyle being my number one support person, even on the operating table. He gave me the gift of a calm and enjoyable hospital staff that let me be a part of all the decisions that were made. He gave me the gift of letting Kyle be the first to hold and comfort Drew, allowing them to bond while my surgery was finished. He gave me the gift of being able to breastfeed Drew back in our room, with no complications from the surgery. He gave me the gift of feeling the pain from birth; having major abdominal surgery is certainly no way to "skip out" on the pain of childbearing! Most of all, He allowed Kyle and I to create life, which is the gift that trumps all the other little gifts along the way.

Nothing about my experience felt second rate. And I may not have gotten the natural birth medal of honor I thought I was after, but I got something much better: a healthy and happy baby in my arms to enjoy with my husband.

Giving it Grace: I share this reflection to be encouraging to those that may be facing a c-section, and are feeling guilt or shame about not having a natural birth (as I was). To those that are having natural births, you're a life-giving woman. To those that want natural births but end up having medical intervention, your'e a life-giving woman. To those that want the epidural, you're a life-giving woman. And to those who have a c-section, you're a life-giving woman!

My not-so-second-rate birth experience

I had some friends asking me recently about my c-section birth experience. Just to be upfront, I loved it. Why? Because the story ends in us getting Drew!

But my appreciation for my c-section didn't start that way, and I wish there had been someone there to tell me - loudly and repeatedly without ceasing: YOU WONT CARE ABOUT THE BIRTH ONCE DREW IS ON THE OUTSIDE. 

You see, leading up to giving birth, I - like many women - was overwhelmed with e-mails, newsletters, blogs, classes and commentary all subtly (or not so subtly) suggesting that the best birthing option is a natural one, and anything other than that is essentially a second-rate birth. And to be honest, I totally bought into it. It's not hard to believe, as a great deal of medical advice affirms that an intervention free birth can be a very healthy experience for baby and mom. But, it became more than that for me. I was letting my birth plan become an identity, something worth picking sides over. 

God graciously revealed this to me the first time I had to consider getting a c-section. I was PISSED. Something was rattling my cage; something was toying with my identity. I had let my birth plan say something about me that I so desperately needed to believe: that I was strong enough to do it naturally. A c-section meant no breathing ball, no husband by my side counting the seconds with me, no option for a water birth, no baby-to-breast within seconds of birth...and to me it meant no medal of natural birth honor.

God was gracious to walk me through that process as I struggled with laying down the identity I had built for myself around how I would give birth. During that struggle, we found out I wouldn't need a c-section because of my eye. I remember thinking, "great, glad that's over. And I'm so glad I got over the whole c-section thing."

And then a few weeks later, we were finding out Drew was breech. Less than 3% of babies are actually breech at the time of birth. That was likely not a fluke, and was very much God bringing me face to face with an identity that was still lingering: Stephanie Hansen, natural birth warrior. And sure enough, I wanted to get pissed again. But this time, only for a second. This second time, God was quick to turn down the volume on my inner monologue, and turn up the volume on the reality of the situation: my birth plan was about me, and my glory. I had something to prove, apparently because society was telling me I could prove myself through Drew's birth. And on top of that, I could have a new awesome identity that was all about my strength, and my determination. I should know well enough by now that with all those "me's" and "my's", God is going to lovingly remind me whose glory my life is for...and it's certainly not my own!

While I was coming to grips with the fact that the very thing I didn't want would be the thing to potentially save Drew's life (most hospitals wont deliver breech babies due to risk to the baby, and mom), God was tearing down the lies I was believing. He was replacing those lies with beautiful truths: Drew doesn't care how he is born, the birth has no weight on my ability to be a mother, my identity is not rooted in my birth plan, and God is ultimately in control. That meant that nothing I could choose or not choose was going to move God's hand in the moments that would make up Drew's birth.

And Drew's birth was upon us, God was so incredibly generous with His gifts. He gave me the gift of actually going into labor, so I got to experience what that felt like (didn't feel like a gift at the time, but I know now that it was). He gave me the gift of having Kyle being my number one support person, even on the operating table. He gave me the gift of a calm and enjoyable hospital staff that let me be a part of all the decisions that were made. He gave me the gift of letting Kyle be the first to hold and comfort Drew, allowing them to bond while my surgery was finished. He gave me the gift of being able to breastfeed Drew back in our room, with no complications from the surgery. He gave me the gift of feeling the pain from birth; having major abdominal surgery is certainly no way to "skip out" on the pain of childbearing! Most of all, He allowed Kyle and I to create life, which is the gift that trumps all the other little gifts along the way.

Nothing about my experience felt second rate. And I may not have gotten the natural birth medal of honor I thought I was after, but I got something much better: a healthy and happy baby in my arms to enjoy with my husband.

Giving it Grace: I share this reflection to be encouraging to those that may be facing a c-section, and are feeling guilt or shame about not having a natural birth (as I was). To those that are having natural births, you're a life-giving woman. To those that want natural births but end up having medical intervention, your'e a life-giving woman. To those that want the epidural, you're a life-giving woman. And to those who have a c-section, you're a life-giving woman!

Drew: 1 Month

Just a fair warning, these blog posts may become more like (unedited) photo essays in the near future (starting right now). I just can't justify photo editing when I could be baby snuggling...can you blame me?

Drew's one month update (as of 8/11...I'm kinda behind!):

Drew loves: sleeping on moms chest (still, gotta break that habit one of these days...), noodle pose after naps, his paci, the three wedding photos hanging on the wall in our living room (he'll stare endlessly at those), baths, the carseat, being burped by dad, morning smiles, having his hands by his face, and of course breastfeeding. 

Drew hates: being alone, having his clothes changed (that split second where the clothes go over his eyes just gets him every time...), 8-11pm, his swaddle sleep sack (but we do it anyway!), and tummy time.

Milestones: holding head up for short periods of time, looking around, sleep smiles, cooing, sleeps 4-5 hours at night, finally big enough for cloth diapers, and more awake time.

Nicknames for Drew: Drewford, Drewdle Bug, DB, Bug, Buglas, Andrewlina, Drewsephine, Bugford, and (most commonly) The Bug.

Stretching his legs, and his lungs!

Post-bath happiness

Just a sleepy bug!

Frog guy

Dad reacting to Drew's first smiles :)

At cousin Nate's wedding (Kyle was a groomsman)

Beach baptisms with our church at Edmonds beach (that's our friend Ethan helping to baptize his wife Lynette!)

Drew's first Taste of Edmonds! He didn't have the best view...

Soft cast from the first wrist surgery. So thankful for the many
 helpers who came to take care of Drew while I recovered!

Fun up at the Brokaw cabin on Camano Island: Auntie Danna snuggling Drew, Auntie Eleni testing out paddle
boarding, and a fresh catch up crab by the boys).

Community Group kickball game: our friend Meggan with her two gorgeous twin boys!

Community group kickball game: Karmen hanging out with baby Samson

Community Group kickball game: Kyle packing up to head home.
Feels like we took half the nursery with us (and we used nearly everything we brought!)

Giving it grace: Sleep. The thing on every new parents mind. We're attempting the Baby Wise method for sleep training Drew, but right now we haven't gotten very far past just mastering the eat, play, sleep rhythm. I added in daytime v. nighttime training a few weeks ago and that made a huge difference for nighttime sleep. We also subscribe to these three goals right now: 1) full feedings/full naps, 2) full naps in his own bed, 3) full naps without us needing to soothe him repeatedly. Right now, we're on the first one...and we're ok with that! Overall, Drew is a good sleeper. But he does have his nights...

One thing I have to remind myself when he has woken early from a nap, or wont even go to sleep, is that he actually wants to sleep, he just needs our help. When I remember that, it makes me want to argue with him a lot less about why he needs to sleep (our arguments usually don't go very far, considering he can't talk...or even understand me). I just keep telling myself "he wants to sleep...work with him, not against him...don't get frustrated, he wants this as much as you do...it's your job to help him..." Lots of inner monologue going on over here!

Of course, in the middle of one particularly rough night, God drew another parenting parallel for me to help me understand His character more. So here it is (this is a poor explanation so bear with me):

Drew wants to sleep, and I want him to sleep. Yet he fights it, and I get the joy of helping him learn to sleep. God gives me patience to use with Drew, and I welcome that patience with open arms. 

I desire to not live in sin, and God's desire is for me to not live in sin. Yet I fight it, and God gets the joy of refining me to that end. And He is SO patient with me, because He is a gracious (and patient) God.

Newborn pics

The same talented friend that took my maternity pictures came by a few days after Drew was born to capture him as a newborn. Here are some of our favorite pics:

Giving it grace: I was tempted to skip the photos showing anything other than my face. At four days post c-section, the residual IV fluids still in my body were really not doing me any favors. But then God reminded me that I just had a baby, and that I should not be ashamed of what that process did to my body. So, I guess you could say I'm giving myself some grace by being brave enough to post these photos!

Kyle looks fabulous as usual. And baby Drew - well, he is too cute for words. Stacy did a wonderful job, and we're so thankful to have these images to remind of what Drew was like when he first came home - because the sleep deprivation makes everything a blur!

He's here!

We welcomed Drew Steven Hansen into the world on July 11th, 2013. Here are a few updates, and a lot of pictures!

Birth story: If you've been following along for a while, you know that Drew was breech and was scheduled to be delivered via c-section on July 13th. While I was originally disappointed about the c-section, by the time July rolled around I had pretty much come to terms with it and was more just excited to meet Drew. My lingering disappointment about the c-section was only that I wouldn't get the experience of going into labor; instead I would just show up at the hospital for surgery (bor-ing). Knowing that, you can imagine my joy when I went into labor early on the morning of July 11th - a whole week before Drew's due date!

The night before I went into labor we went out to dinner for my sister's birthday. I was having some cramping during and after dinner, but I thought it was because I was full from all the yummy food. I also knew I was close to my due date, so I thought it was just my body preparing for the end of the pregnancy. That night I woke up around 1:00 AM because my arms were numb again. My typical routine when this would happen was to go into the living room and watch a movie to pass the time until sleep would eventually overtake my body despite the numbness in my arms. I got all set up on the couch, and still couldn't really fall asleep because I was having cramps. I assumed they were just Braxton-Hicks contractions, but I decided to time them "just for fun". I had downloaded a contraction timer app on my iPhone, and was sad that I wouldn't actually get to use it with the c-section. So, I thought it would be fun to at least time my Braxton-Hicks contractions over the course of the movie.

It's a good thing I started timing the contractions, because over the course of two hours they increased to be every 7 minutes! At 3:00 AM, I decided to wake Kyle up. I wasn't sure I was actually in labor, but I knew we were supposed to call my doctor if I was having contractions less than 10 minutes apart. The contractions were picking up in intensity: they were painful enough that I couldn't talk or walk during them, but they weren't lasting longer than 30 to 60 seconds so they were what I would call "manageable". They were exactly what I thought contractions would be like!

Kyle called my doctor (who happened to already be at the hospital as she was on call that night, praise the Lord), and she said to definitely make our way in. What happened next was kind of surreal. We casually finished packing up our hospital bags, stopping every 7 or so minutes to get through a contraction. Kyle remembered his support role perfectly and was able to help me breath through the contractions. It felt like we were packing for a weird vacation...grabbing our phone chargers, toothbrushes, change of clothes, etc. We finished packing and headed out to the car. The drive in was also surreal...what do you talk about? I remember we were both bright eyed and excited, but also nervous for what the next few hours would be like. Would they send me home? Was I in labor? Would we meet Drew today?!

When we arrived at the hospital, we had to go through ER because of the time of night. They had a wheelchair waiting for me and insisted that Kyle wheel me to the birthing center. Totally unnecessary, but kind of fun! We got to the birthing center and they got us checked into a room. They hooked me up to monitor my contractions and confirmed that sure enough, I was in labor. Once that determination was made, it was maybe another 45 minutes before they had me on the operating table. In that 45 minutes, they got Kyle suited up to be in the surgery room, had me meet with the anesthesiologist, talk with my doctor, get to know my nurses, and get me prepped for the c-section. The staff was moving swiftly, but not in a way that felt rushed or panicky. Kyle and I had some time alone before the c-section, during which Kyle prayed for me, baby Drew, and the doctors, and we thanked God for what was about to happen. We were about to meet our son!

As we were leaving our room to head to the operating room, my dad and sister came rushing in. We had been trying to get a hold of our families for hours! They are all very sound sleepers, apparently. I was so happy to see my dad and sister, and know that my mom was on her way. I hugged them and then headed off to meet baby Drew.

Despite being major surgery, the operating room was very calm. The nurses were 100% attentive to my needs, my doctor was so comforting, nd the anesthesiologist was fabulous. So many of the things I was worried about turned out to be non-issues. The spinal block hardly hurt at all, and I couldn't feel a THING during the c-section. The only part that was pretty awful was I had the really strong urge to want to sit up; I didn't like being "stuck" on my back on the table. The anesthesiologist said it was the drugs that were making me feel a little claustrophobic/trapped, and he made sure to help counteract with anti-nausea drugs (which helped). Also, I was mistaken in thinking I would lose that "teamwork" experience with Kyle by not having a vaginal birth; Kyle was right by my head the entire time, and I could not have made it through without his support in my ear.

Because I felt so well cared for, I had no problem with Kyle leaving my side when Drew came out. At the time Drew was born (6 minutes in!) I was feeling incredibly claustrophobic and I actually didn't want to see Drew. I didn't want anything else close to my face. I remember telling Kyle just to hold Drew and love him for the both of us until I was done with the surgery. I could hear Drew, and I could hear Kyle talking to Drew, and that was more than enough for me. Near the end of the procedure, a new nurse came in the room. She must have known that what a mom really needs is to see her son. Also, the drugs must have really been working in my favor. Or maybe it was that I knew they were almost done. The new nurse encouraged Kyle to move Drew into my line of sight where I could see him, and all of the sudden the whole operating room went away and all I could see was my husband and my son. And I didn't care about anything else.

We stayed in the hospital for two more days, and had a wonderful stay. The staff was so great, we didn't want to leave! Over the time we were there, Drew had an endless stream of visitors. It was so wonderful to feel so supported and watch everyone love on Drew!

Drew: Drew was born 19.5 inches long, 6lbs 13oz. He dropped down to 6lbs the week after his birth, and is now over 9lbs at 4 weeks old. Growing boy! Drew loves snuggling on mom's chest, sucking on dad's pinky finger, and having his hands by his face. He also likes to quietly look around, and likes being warm when he sleeps (like, sweaty warm...just like his dad). Of course we think he's just the most wonderful little guy ever, and we're loving every (sleepless) moment with him.

Wrist update: A lot have asked how my wrists are doing. In the hospital, they got a lot worse. The fluids from the c-section IVs caused them to become more swollen to the point that me caring for Drew on my own was nearly impossible. Over the last four weeks however, they have improved slowly. At this point, I'm left with my three middle fingers on each hand varying degrees of numb. We went back to the wrist doctor to see what happens next: do we just keep waiting or what? Given the slow recovery rate I'm experiencing coupled with the certainty that this would happen again with future pregnancies, he strongly recommenced I get carpel tunnel release surgery on both wrists to fully wipe this problem out. Last week I went in for some incredibly painful testing (that involved shocking my nerves and sticking multiple needles in my arms) to confirm that yes I do indeed have carpel tunnel and resulting nerve damage from the whole ordeal. Surgery would reverse the nerve damage as well as resolve the carpel tunnel.

So, we're doing the surgeries. August 14th (right) and August 28th (left). I'm not thrilled about it, but I am hopeful at having relief. Finally. Apparently they do a nerve block on your arm, much like a spinal block during a c-section. Because I'm breastfeeding, I can't have any drugs to help relax me before the procedure. So I'll be relying on the power of prayer (both yours and mine) to get me through the part where they do the nerve block. But, I guess if I'd made it through a c-section, what's a little wrist surgery...right? The recovery is supposed to be quick (2-10 days), so you can be praying for the short side of that range as well.

Alright, now onto the good part. Pictures!! When I had to choose been editing photos and sleep, I chose sleep. To here they are, unedited in all their glory.

Final bump pic @ 39 weeks (taken about 8 hours before I went into labor)

Checking in to our room

Kyle getting suited up!

C-section about to commence!

Kyle's view

Baby Drew - tushy first - making his way into the world! 

Kyle meeting Baby Drew while they finished with my c-section.

Me properly meeting Baby Drew back in our room.

Family pic! (Thank you IV fluids for making my face twice it's normal size!)

Drew in his new happy place

Drew discovering he loves to suck on dad's finger

Snuggly little guy

Drew had a lot visitors come by:

L to R: Frauntie (Friend Auntie) Eleni, Mackenzie (who I used to nanny when she was little),
Kyle's Aunt Donna and cousin Tiffany, and Frauntie Chelsea

L to R: Drew's great-grandma Eva, grandpa Peter, Auntie Brooke, grandma Jo

L to R: Drew's grandma Mary Ann, Uncle Zeke and Auntie Bekah, Auntie Heather, Grandpa Steve, and cousin Cope

Visitors not pictured: cousin-aunties Ashley and Alice, Frauntie Danna, Great Aunt Cheryl, and Mackenzie's mom Suzan. (I hope I'm not forgetting anyone!).

Ready to go home!

We call this "noodle pose"

Meeting great grandpa Bob and great grandma Pat

Drew's happy place: sleeping on mom's chest!

Our little Drewdle Bug :-)

Dad gets a burp out of Drew every single time!

Kyle and I's first "date night" with Drew: walk around Edmonds and frozen yogurt for dinner!

Some of Drew's hang outs: the car seat, his swing, and mom and dad's bed

Giving it grace: You know that feeling when you are excited for a new chapter in your life, but once you get going with it you have that nagging feeling that it's not quite what you wanted it to be? For me, being a mom is the exact polar opposite of that. While there is nothing that can prepare you for the lack of sleep and constant demands of a newborn, these last four weeks have been everything I thought they would be - good and bad. This may be all the postnatal hormones talking, but for once, I finally feel that I am doing what God created me for and planned for me to do...love and serve Jesus, love and serve my husband, and love and serve our child(ren).

The last month has been filled with tears, prayers, words of encouragement (and lots of words of repentance), hugs, and many, many new lessons on who our God is. One lesson in particular came to me last night. When I was rocking Drew to sleep at 3:30 in the morning, I found myself so incredibly frustrated. I yelled in my head "you sleep during the day! I know you can sleep, you've proven it today! Just SLEEP right now!" In the silence of the room that followed, I was then reminded of how God could easily get equally frustrated with me. When I used to spend my money on possessions but not give to the church, He could have easily yelled "she has money to spend, yet she wont give it to the church!". Or when I continually check my Facebook but don't crack open my Bible, He could sigh and say "I know she can read. She reads her Facebook all day long, but yet not her Bible!"

Yes God could easily be as frustrated with me as I was with Drew. Yet God gives me grace, instead. And with that reminder, I prayed that God would give me the same grace to continue rocking Drew to sleep. And he did, because His grace abounds.

(And Drew then slept the longest night sleep he's ever done. And Kyle and I rejoiced over 4 straight hours of sleep!)