Friday, May 10, 2013

30 Week Update

I'm a little behind in bump updates...working full-time, combined with church commitments, running a household (even if it's just for two right now), and squeezing in a work out once a week doesn't leave a lot of time for blog updates (much to my dismay). Am I crazy to be looking forward to "just" being home with a newborn??

The last six weeks:

It's worth clarifying that I think these fruit and vegetable comparisons are mostly
referring to length!

Weekly pic this week was from Maui! My sweet dad blessed us with our last vacation before
Drew comes. If I ever get around to editing the pics from this trip, I'll be sure to post them!
You can be certain there was lots of sun, sand, and pineapple juice - it was heaven!

Giving it grace: Before we went to Hawaii, we found out that I might have to have a c-section (not related to anything with the pregnancy, but because I have lens transplant in my left eye and there was concern about that eye holding up during the birth process). For some reason, I really struggled with this news. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against c-sections (I was a c-section baby, after all) and I realize that many births end in c-section, even when that wasn't the plan. Yet, there was something just so "heavy" about choosing right now - in this moment - to never attempt a vaginal birth. 

I shed quite a few tears over this decision in front of me before I realized the beauty of the lesson God was so graciously teaching me. I woke up one morning and God reminded me that Drew doesn't care how he is born, it was only I who cared. And why did I care? There are many reasons to be concerned about a major surgery (such as c-section), and some of my reasons were valid: risk of infection, wanting to be able to breast feed right away, and the painful recovery. Most of my reasons though, were just incredibly selfish: wanting Drew's birth to be spontaneous (just like the movies, right?), experiencing the "right of passage" of labor, and not having to wear one of those itchy hair caps during surgery yet again (I'd had at least a 1/2 dozen surgeries in my life and I just wanted the birth experience to be different). None of those things will matter to Drew, yet all of them mattered to me. And then God asked me the big question: if I had to choose between being pregnant and having a c-section or not being pregnant, what would I choose?

No brainer, bring on the c-section! Once I really began to acknowledge that much of my sadness was around the idea of my own desires not being met, I finally began to see the lesson God was teaching me about being a mom. I undoubtedly have ideals and visions for what type of mom I will be, and undoubtedly it will not always turn out like it is in my head. But the big question I need to be asking myself is: does this matter to Drew, or just to me? And more importantly, am I being choosey with my gifts from God?

Once we returned from Hawaii, Kyle and I met with my two eye surgeons to discuss the risks of vaginal birth more in depth. And out of no where, God surprised me with His oh so familiar yet often forgotten "here I am, right here in this with you" reminders. Both eye surgeons decided that my eye was in good enough condition to withstand a vaginal birth, and professionally recommended I not opt for a c-section (unless it is necessary for reasons actually related to the pregnancy or birth). We were overjoyed with this news! 

I share this story, because I love how God used something important to me to get my attention, even though it was important to me for mostly selfish reasons. God is that loving, and His love is that specific. I love that in the midst of my selfishness, He didn't get fed up and leave me alone to suffer. No, he pursued me more, with a purpose: He had a bigger idea He wanted to show me. And it's by His grace alone that He cares enough to design little lessons, perfectly placed in my life to draw me closer to Him - which is my ultimate desire.

Coming up next (and by "next", I mean sometime before 2014!): trip to Hawaii, maternity photos, and baby shower pics.

1 comment:

  1. You are so cute! I can't wait to meet the little man when he arrives. I'm so excited for you and wish I could be closer so we could have some play dates. Our boys will be so close in age!